When you set goals for yourself, it’s difficult to achieve them absolutely on your own. Considering the type of goals you’ve set, contemplate the people with whom you regularly affiliate yourself and start asking them questions. The dialog would run along these lines: I’m trying to accomplish XYZ…

• Do you have any experience in this area?
• Have you ever worked with…?
• What would you suggest?
• Have you ever taken a course on…?
• Who do you know who might be able to help me…?
• If you were in my shoes…
• Is this something you’re good at?
• I can’t remember if you have any experience with this…
• Can you point me in the right direction?

Seek and Ye Shall Likely Find

Don’t hesitate to ask others to become an informal peer. With the aid of computer database software, you can simply log in the name, address, and contact information of hundreds of peers. Seek out people doing the same kinds of things that I’ve been doing.

Few individuals will be reluctant and in the long run, it’s likely you’ll hardly remember who these people were. Most people understand, on some level, the importance of persisting in affiliations, even if you have no particular pursuits when you initiate the relationship.

Viable and On-going

Wouldn’t it make sense for you, starting today, to start to build relations with peers in the various arenas of your life?

Write down three basic areas in which it would make sense for you to get to know more of your peers. The areas of your life in which you may care to look could include hobbies, religion, sports, or heck, even work.

Cyber Pals

Using e-mail, you can pose a question to eight, ten, fifteen, or fifteen hundred people if you’re so inclined. You’ll likely ask a question of perhaps ten or twelve peers via e-mail. It’s best on to submit queries to those people who you think have a reasonable chance of being able to provide an answer. Otherwise, it’s likely that your query will look like junk e-mail and will reduce the tendency of people to be responsive in the future. Sending a question to individuals in personalized e-mails, i.e., no one gets a cc or a blind cc., increases the probability that each of the people will reply. If you have e-mail, undoubtedly you’ve already used some form of this process to your personal advantage. Now, consider upping your use of this powerful vehicle in pursuit of your most important goals. Carefully word your message so as to evoke the most useful responses.

Support Groups

Support groups are intentionally devised by someone. They often have ground rules or operating guidelines, whether written or unwritten. The group meets at the same time each week or each month, often in the same location. There may be a permanent group leader or moderator, or the function may be rotated. The relationships of the group members to one another during the meetings is largely governed by cultural norms that develop as a result of the ongoing experiences of the group.

Friends of Bill Smith

One of the most enduring and successful support groups in the world was originated by Bill Smith in the 1930’s. Smith was an alcoholic who determined that by affiliating himself with others, he could help himself and at the same time all the members could help each other. This idea led to the founding of Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.), and today there are AA chapters throughout the world. It is widely hailed as one of the most successful programs of its kind.

When you attend a conference or are on board a cruise ship, and you see an activity titled “Friends of Bill Smith,” that means it’s an Alcoholics Anonymous Meeting. There’s no need to be ashamed to attend such meetings. Indeed, the support and love that the members give one another is heartwarming.

Focus on the Positive

The goal of members of Alcoholics Anonymous is not to not drink alcohol. You don’t want to set goals that represent the avoidance of what you don’t want. You want to set them using positive terminology. Hence, the aim of members of A.A. is to remain sober, to be productive citizens, and to be responsible for their actions.

Because of its success, the A.A. motto has been emulated by other groups worldwide including Overeaters Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, and even Messies Anonymous.

Anyone for Group Therapy?

Group therapy represents another type of support group consisting of peers who meet on a regular basis to help themselves and to help one another. Such groups generally meet in the office of someone who has had training in psychology, either a psychiatrist, psychotherapist, or psychologist.

Most groups meet once a week at the same time, although that is not mandatory. The number of members can range from a handful to a dozen or more. Each is usually facing the same general issue, such as coping with loss, dealing commitment, or being more assertive.

Generally, about five to eight members is best, so that each person has the opportunity to participate and at the same time, the group has enough people so that a dialog can be maintained. The group members pledge to one another that they will neither share the proceedings of the meetings with anyone outside the group nor will they discuss any other individual’s challenges with anyone else at any time with the exception of the group leader when in private session.

I Can Get Some Satisfaction

Group members often report that they gain a great deal of satisfaction and even comfort participating in discussions with their group. Many would not give it up if you paid them to do so. While individual group members certainly may have an array of goals that they want to achieve, the common denominator among the group members is centered around goals to be more effective in everyday life, establishing more rewarding relationships, dealing more capably with loss, and so forth. Members of the group begin to share a common bond with one another even if they don’t encounter one another outside of the group.

For many reasons, it’s sometimes best if all the members start at the same time, or in other words are in attendance at the first meeting. The group then takes on a history of its own which is shared by each individual. If someone drops out, members of the group often feel a loss, and sometimes will discuss that person’s departure at the next meeting.

Sometimes, a person is asked to leave the group when it is apparent to all that this person is not helping to forward the overall progress of the group, let alone their own progress. If you’re interested in being part of such a group and believe that this will help you to achieve a goal that you’ve set for yourself, open up the Yellow Pages of your phone book to psychology or psychotherapist and call a few numbers. Undoubtedly, you’ll learn who handles groups in your area, perhaps when one is forming, and if it may be right for you.

A Gathering of Men (or Women)

You don’t have to join Alcoholics Anonymous or similar groups, or be part of group therapy, to affiliate with others in a formal setting in pursuit of your goals. In most towns there are men’s and women’s groups that meet regularly and which are listed in your local paper. Often individuals who are separated, divorced, or widowed find strength and solace meeting with others of the same sex who have similar experiences. During such meetings, topics such as raising a child alone, coping with loss, dating, and meeting financial burdens are discussed.

Other men’s and women’s groups in your community may also exist. Some are comprised of people of the same faith, ethnicity, age group, and so on. Such groups can work and work well even when individual members have unrelated goals if each can derive from the discussions that occur the insights and breakthroughs that each needs in pursuit of their goals.

Depending upon what you’re trying to achieve and where you are in life, support groups in your local community may be the assistance you need to be successful.