If you’re like most people, you’re not content with the way you look. In the mid-1980s, the Louis Harris Organization undertook a study which found that two out of every three adults in the United States reported that they “fidget, fuss, take furtive glances in windows and mirrors, and study other people’s reactions to the way they look.” Harris concluded that a solid majority of Americans are almost “obsessed with their physical appearance.” All indications since then–cosmetic sales, cosmetic operations, the rise of the image industry–are that this obsession has reached new heights.

Harris found that 54 percent of men frequently think of their physical appearance, while 75 percent of women say the same. “Perhaps the depth of American’s obsession with and security over their looks,” says Harris, “is revealed by people’s responses to the question, ‘Would you change your appearance if you could?'” Nearly 96 percent of respondents in the Harris Poll said they would. Specifically, here is what men would change:

What American Men Would Like to Change About Themselves

• 56% change their weight
• 49% change their waistline
• 39% have more muscles
• 37% not appear to be aging
• 36% have better teeth
• 36% have more hair
• 34% be taller
• 21% change in overall physique
• 20% change in complexion
• 19% change their nose

Among women, 78% would like to lose weight, with a majority desiring to lose 25 pounds or more, many seeking to lose 16 to 25 pounds, and a smaller group wanting to lose between 11 and 15 pounds. American women are close to being obsessed with their weight while not doing an effective job of fulfilling their desires.

What American Women Would Like to Change About Themselves

• 70% have a smaller waistline
• 48% not appear to be aging
• 46% have a change in thighs
• 38% have slimmer buttocks
• 37% have better teeth
• 35% change their hair
• 34% change their legs
• 33% reduce wrinkles
• 32% change their bust
• 29% change their entire physique
• 28% change their height, (most to be tall)
• 26% change their complexion

Harris points out that in the 1970s, there was a mass movement of people who wanted to obtain the natural look–women who used less make up, did not dye their hair, and were happy with modest fashions. During the last 20 to 30 years, however, the desire for the natural look fell away. Today, “To have others admire one’s looks now ranks high on the list of both men and women, especially the young, even if those looks are only superficial and wildly deceiving.”

If you’re a reasonably attractive single woman, how many guys do you suppose didn’t call because you don’t measure up to their fantasy woman? If you’re an average Joe, how many women do you suppose give you the cold shoulder because you don’t measure up to Brad Pitt?

Where do you suppose this obsession with looks and the quest for a perfect looking partner originated? It’s a tough question, so I’ll give you a whole second to think it over.

The reality of unreality is that decades of watching on television how other people supposedly look and live have resulted in mass discontent with self-image: a form of social stress unknown in previous times.

As Dr. David Reisman described in The Lonely Crowd, vast numbers of Americans have become “other-directed”–more concerned “with what others think of them than what they think of themselves.”

Put down the Barbells

In Care of the Soul, Thomas Moore says to put down the barbells (real and metaphorical) and to stop beating yourself up for carrying more than the minimum body fat, being emotionally dependent, still being angry at your father after all these years, and being less than perfect on the job or in a marriage. “I’m saying that it’s not necessary to get so burdened about everything turning out right.”

“We are trying so hard to be healthy, to improve ourselves, to be something that we are not already, that we miss much of the pleasure found in the small details of everyday life. We ignore our soul.”